Will Grannis

It is ancient senator,
One on a spending spree.
"By thy sleepy gaze and rambling speech
Now wherefore tax thou me?

"The stack of bills is piling high;
My paycheck stretches thin;
I have four kids, and yet am I
To take this on the chin?"

The ancient nose leans to his hair,
"You use Old Spice" quoth Joe.
"Get off! Sniff not, you weird old loon!
And give me back my dough!"

Joe holds him with a "C'mon, man!"
The taxpayer stands still,
And listens to the rantings of
The old man from The Hill.

The taxpayer sat down in debt,
Next to imperator;
And thus spake on that ancient man,
The now ex-senator.

"The race was won, the country ours,
Merrily did we wend
Into the helm, behind the desk,
And then proceed to spend.

"The party shifted to the left,
We stood without a chance,
Unless we bent, unless we spent,
Your money in advance.

"Higher and higher every day,
Our debt grew on The Hill —"
The taxpayer here beat his breast,
For he got another bill.

The grocery store now has no food,
To feed his newborn son.
The price of gas has gone up fast,
Our pres'dent's mind is done.

The taxpayer, he beat his breast,
For there's nothing he can do,
And thus spake on that ancient man,
Who through our billions blew.

"And then the POLLING came, and it
Was negative, and strong:
It struck with thoughts of a Red Wave,
And pulled the Left along.

"With dipping polls and higher gas,
Without a chance in sight,
Conservatives seemed destined to
Retake and win the fight.

"We had to act, had to engage,
The base from which we pull!
We had to act, had to enrich,
And make their coffers full!

"And so we planned a dev'ous thing,
A payout to our base.
More blatant acts have not been done
Upon this planet's face.

"You see, therefore, we have to pay
For Emily's degree.
If she can't backwards basket-weave,
We'll lose the whole country!

"You see, therefore, we have to pay
Off Jordan's art degree!
Without him out there working hard,
We'll lack slam poetry!

"You see, therefore, we must now act
And give McKenzie cash
For if we don't we're sure to face
Her internet backlash!"

"I think this scheme is all to buy
Yourselves votes in the Fall!"
But if Joe Biden heard his quip,
He made no sign at all.

"You see, therefore, we have to pay
For Chad's small student debt!
He drank all night, and dropped out fast
He shouldn't have to fret!

"You see therefore, we have to pay,
And by we I mean you
As when to children parents say
'"We" ought nap for a few.'

"So don't be sad, although you worked
So hard to pay for school.
Or even worse, you never went,
And so this all seems cruel.

"You know that we do what is best,
(Or just what's best for us).
And so you must pay off their loans
And do so with no fuss."

The Senator, whose mind has gone,
Whose words do not make sense,
Stood up and walked back to his home,
And left a debt immense.

The taxpayer himself was left
And is of sense forlorn.
A sadder and a poorer man,
He rose the morrow morn.